The 2% Rule ™ Regarding Nagging a Spouse or any Other [Note: Push the "MORE" button after this paragraph to continue this post.] If someone is nagging us and driving
us crazy with their relentless nagging, it is important to realize a
couple of things: Firstly, the other person is probably not crazy in that something about whatever they are perceiving in our actions or in-actions truly is
hitting some button in them (e.g., increasing their anxiety, offending
them, maybe we really are ignoring them, etc.). In other words they
have their subjective truth about what they are experiencing in our dynamic. Secondly,
how often is the "mis-step" that they perceive occurring? Are they
nagging us obsessively with no sense that our "mis-step" is unusual,
rare and/or just human? For couples or people that get into these sorts
of dynamics, it might be useful to agree upon a percentage amount, say
2-10%, whereby if the "mis-step" occurs less than that percentage of the
time, then the "perceiver" of the injustice (or the infringement) gives
them a pass and doesn't raise it or nag them about it. But if it
starts to get over the percentage, then they have an agreed upon right
to raise it and have an intelligent and calm discussion about the matter
and dynamics afoot (or go to psychotherapy [or the like] if they
cannot). Of course this presumes that the couple or pair have previously agreed
upon whatever it is that is getting nagged about. If that is NOT the
case then THAT becomes the issue that first needs to be negotiated!! |